I'm so lonely and confused

At times I pride myself on being an anti-social bitch! But there are other times when I look around me and see so many people who have so many friends and are never lonely and I wonder what I am doing wrong. I admit I am moody but there are other people out there who are just as moody as me and they have friends. I have tried to be the type of person who doesn't need people because of the way I have been treated in the past. Every friend I have ever had has either abandoned me or hurt me horribly! I admit I was a sensitive kid and probably the things that were done to me would not affect a "normal" person, but they did affect me! I was bullied, picked on, teased, ridiculed, and mocked at almost every turn by everyone I trusted up until around 8th grade. I still remember the things that were said and done and even now it brings tears to my eyes. A few years ago a girl I went to middel school and highschool with who happened to be one of the girls who picked on me, but I still considered a friend, wanted to hang out and talk and even offered to apologize for how she used to treat me. I avoided her like the plague after our one meeting; not because I didn't like her but because I was afraid to hear her apology because it would make me wonder why she did what she did and if it was something i did that made her treat me that way. If I had done something wrong to all those people to make them dislike me on a certain level. I now realize it has to be me otherwise why am I 24yrs old and alone?
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